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September 10, 2006

I am tired. Extremely tired. Horribly tired. So tired that mere words cannot begin to convey the depth of how tired I am.

There is a quote in a Harlan Ellison story, “I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream” where the protagonist, the super computer who has taken over the world, tells our narrator how much he hates Mankind. He makes the statement that his internal framing consists of some terribly large length. He states that if you wrote the word “hate” in letters one angstrom high over the entire expanse of his framing, you would not express one millionth of the hatred he feels for human kind.

This approximates the level of my exhaustion with the alleged brain trust who runs professional wrestling.

None of the major feds are exempt. TNA is perhaps the most egregious with it’s entire “Jeff Jarrett” story line. (And, pardon me for a brief aside here, but I cannot look at him without thinking of that terrible tag line he used in the old WWF, “J.. E.. Duba “F”, J.. a… Duba “R”… E… Duba “T”.).

A couple of weeks ago it was the whole bit about a “public execution”. I mean, please! Anybody with more than two active brain cells and a firing synapse in between knew it was going to be the execution of the contract. So, when he come out with the ring decorated in the whole “execution” motif, it was just a bunch of high-school theatrics as far as I cared.

Then, Jim Cornett (And once again, pardon a small sideline here. But I can’t look at him and not see him carrying that tennis racket he used to carry when he managed the Midnight Express.) comes out and says that JJ is going to be taking a lie detector test. Now, is there anybody who draws breath and has an I.Q. above that of the common garden slug that honestly thought that JJ was going to “pass” the test?

So, when Cornett came out with his 3 questions of importance, he has to play up the importance of the first two being “you passed”. But to be totally honest, I would have been shocked if the 3rd had been a pass as well.

One more small aside here, if you’ll bear with me. I’d fire Eric Young just for being an annoying putz. Yeah, it’s an interesting gimmick, but he’s such an irritating presence that I’d just as soon as see him gone. Last night he reminded me of one of the old Warner Brothers cartoons with the bulldog who has his yapping little side kick.

But lest you think that “Mr. McMahon” is going to get a pass, think again.

Cryme Tyme? What the hell is he thinking?

I won’t waste a load of time here with specifics because this article would turn into a novel. Suffice it to say that the whole WWE seems to be run with the philosophy that their audience is either a collection of adolescent boys, or they’re men with the same mentality.

One of my favorite jokes is “What’s the difference between a U.S. Savings Bond and a man?”

The answer is “A bond will eventually mature”.

It seems that wrestling has the same idea about their audience.